“I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy. Because they know what it feels like to feel absolutely worthless & they don’t want anybody else to feel like that.” – Robin Williams
TW – Discussion of mental illness
Despite educating others about physical illness, I rarely discuss my mental health. I’ve struggled with it for years, hiding it even from those closest to me due to shame, fear of rejection or getting in trouble. These photos are not months apart but days, the last one is just hours. They are not showing recovery & illness, but how easily folks can hide their pain.
I had my first panic attack at 13 but only recently received a formal anxiety diagnosis, along with answers to other symptoms. Having both a physical disability & mental health conditions creates a constant loop: one flaring makes the other worse. Basic self-care steps like movement or getting outside, which can boost mental health, are not simple for us with disabilities.
The system for getting support is broken. In Oct 2022, I noticed my anxiety worsening & self-referred for counseling. By Feb 2023, I was in full-blown crisis, experiencing severe suicidal thoughts, self-harm & trichotillomania for the 1st time in years. After just 4 sessions, my counselor deemed me ‘too complex & severe’ & referred me on. Since then, I’ve undergone 6+ assessments, reliving my trauma over & over, but have still received no further support despite my GP’s best efforts.
I’m privileged that my family could afford private support. Last summer, a psychiatrist diagnosed me with Anxiety, Depression, Trichotillomania, Agoraphobia, and a provisional diagnosis of ADHD. I’ve been in weekly therapy since September, & after 9 months, things are finally improving, though I have a long way to go. But what about those without financial support? Awareness isn’t enough; we need action, more funding & more services so people aren’t left to fend for themselves. Asking for help is hard when you’re mentally ill but it’s made so much worse when you are begging & no help comes. With 1/4 experiencing a mental health issue each year it just isn’t good enough!
