September Struggles: A New Chapter in the Journey
We’re only 6 days into September and I already know I’m not going to like this month as much as I usually do. I have been pretty bedbound for the last week with a flare as my body finally gets a chance to completely stop for the first time since…goodness knows when…and it doesn’t want to get back up again. I mean understandably so. But September has always been one of my favourite months. The sun still shines just enough but it’s cool enough that my POTS doesn’t start freaking out and it’s always full of new beginnings. For me, it’s always felt like the start of a new year, more than new year itself. But then my life has been dictated by the UK school system for the last 18+ years which places so much importance on the start of a new school year.
The First September Outside the School System
And no one ever mentioned how tough the first September out of the school system could be. I’ve only had it once before when I’d had nothing to go back to when September rolled around and that was in 2016. I’d just been diagnosed with EDS, POTS & my CSF leak and was undergoing a lot of treatment and planning for surgeries. I remember watching all my friends head back to social media and struggling to cope. It took until the end of October for me to share what had been going on and why I wasn’t returning. But I was very focused on my health at that time and knew that one day, I would make it back to my studies. And I did.
This Time Feels Different
This time is different. As I watch my social media feed fill with smiling school children heading back for a new term and seeing the adverts for the fresher’s event that my friends will be attending in a week or two, It feels very strange to know that I’m not heading back for the next big adventure.
Job Applications: The Struggle is Real
Applying for jobs is hard! Every time I see a new opening, I have to remind myself that I’m not just applying for a job, I’m applying for a future that feels uncertain. The anxiety of wondering if I’m good enough, whether my conditions will hold me back, or if I’ll get judged based on what I can and can’t do — all of this plays into the reality of it. It’s a reminder that, no matter how much you want to push forward, some things just take time to work through.
The ‘Customer Who Judged Me’ Moment
It’s funny how sometimes we’re faced with moments where we feel judged or misunderstood, like the customer who judged me. I can’t help but reflect on how others might perceive my choices — the things I can and can’t do, the opportunities that others seem to easily walk into. But the truth is, what looks easy from the outside doesn’t always reflect the challenges within. Whether it’s adjusting to a new life outside the school system or applying for jobs while managing health issues, there’s so much more beneath the surface.
But I’m still moving forward, one small step at a time. I have to remind myself that I’ve come a long way since 2016. And just because September doesn’t look like I expected it to, doesn’t mean it’s any less of a new beginning.
Take care of yourself, and don’t forget to be kind to others. You never know what battles someone might be fighting.
